My wife told me to take out the trash.
I told her I will take her anywhere she wants to go.
She got angry and walked away.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face?". The horse says,"I was born this way."
FUN FACT: If people stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown.
Why isn't Skrillex good at fishing? Because he never learned to fish.
People are like bananas. If you peel their skin and eat them they'll die.
What's strong and black and doesn't work?

Decaffinated coffee
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss? A stab wound.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's? Their medial temporal lobe structures begin to show signs of atrophy.
What does Snoop Dogg use to clean his toilet?
Nothing. He's a multi-millionaire, he pays someone to do that for him.
What do you call a fly with no wings?

Still a fly. The irony is unfortunate, but the name doesn't change.